Black military families don't get to 'sugarcoat' conversations about racism, these spouses say
Marine Corps spouse Noëlle Boyer, here with her husband and sons, shares her experiences with racism in episode 31 of The Spouse Angle podcast, “A Conversation About Race and the Military.” (Noëlle Boyer)
The death of George Floyd at the hands of Minneapolis police officers on May 25 hit home for Krystel Spell.
Spell, founder of the Army Wife 101 blog and other military spouse-themed businesses, was a guest on Wednesday’s episode 31 of The Spouse Angle podcast, “A Conversation About Race and the Military.”
“Just being the mother of a black son, specifically, but two black children, it was an eye opener,” she said. “This is not something that I can sugarcoat or shelter [my son] from. I have to make him understand that no matter how good of a student you are or no matter where we live, there is this thing that exists in society.”
Spell and Marine Corps spouse Noëlle Boyer, also a blogger and mom of two, shared their experiences as black women in the military community, how they’re talking to their children about racism and what changes — such as racial sensitivity training throughout a person’s military career — they hope to see after the weeks of protests all over the country.
“I really wish I could say clearly this needs to happen, this policy needs to change, this person needs to say this thing,” Boyer said.
Racial minorities make up 31 percent of the military population, according to the latest Defense Department figures, and diversity often has been hailed as one of the military’s strengths.
Yet white supremacist and racist ideologies seem to be growing within the ranks, a recent Military Times survey of more than 1,600 active-duty troops found. In 2019, 36 percent of respondents said they had seen evidence of it, compared to 22 percent the year before.
Racial disparities in the Air Force justice system — and a push to conceal its “abysmal record” — were highlighted in a recent report by Protect Our Defenders, a national organization that works to end rape and sexual assault in the military.
Chief Master Sgt. of the Air Force Kaleth Wright, a black man and the country’s top enlisted airman, addressed this in a lengthy series of Twitter posts, promising to investigate and uncover the problems with the military justice system.
He said has been talking with people of different races and ethnicities, and encouraged others to do the same.
“If you don’t do anything else, I encourage everyone to fight, not just for freedom, justice and equality, but to fight for understanding,” he wrote. “So, take the time to talk to someone ... about their experiences so that you have a better understanding of who they are, where they come from and what drives them.”
Krystel Spell, second from right, told podcast listeners that black families don’t get the luxury of sugarcoating conversations about racism. (Krystel Spell)
Spell’s perspective as a black woman hasn’t always been welcome in the military space, she said. She has been accused of not being patriotic or for trying to create division, so she stopped advertising herself as the face of the company and pushed her white writer instead.
But now, it seems more people are starting to acknowledge systemic racism, she says. And she has put her face out there again.
“I think that the way you move forward is to acknowledge the wrong,” Spell said. “The way you move forward is to be open and honest about the systemic things that happen in America, that even if you’ve never experienced it, it exists because all of us are not making this up.”
Boyer, who recounted experiences with racial slights experienced as a black military spouse in an interracial marriage, also is glad many are paying attention. She just hopes these conversations don’t fizzle out.
“I’m scared that this is just going to be a week of, ‘Oh that really sucked, but hey guys, let’s talk about preschool drop off again and my latest Amazon fashion find,’” she said. “As a young mother, a young wife, I just don’t want this to be a fad.”